My personality type is called the Advocate or Counselor. I can often talk to someone and see not only who they are but the paths open to them. I am happy to offer advice but please don’t keep coming to me with the same problem over and over. I have already given you advice you can act on to change your situation. If you don’t want to take that advice that is fine with me. I have given my advice and moved on. You need to also.
When I say I see you clearly that means I can see you for the type of person you are and accept you for that. That doesn’t mean I like you. It just means I understand that is just how you are.
I’m a very intuitive person. I can usually tell upon meeting someone if I will like them or not. This has proven itself out time and time again in my life. If I don’t listen to my intuition about someone or something in my life there is usually trouble for me. This usually works itself out in a couple of ways. I meet someone everyone else says is great. I instinctively don’t like them but I give them a chance. I get burned. Or I don’t like someone and I play the waiting game. I watch and see what happens in their interactions with others. It has turned out 100 percent of the time that I am right. I am not talking about people who make mistakes, own up to it and apologize. Everyone makes mistakes even me. I’m talking about the manipulative people. The back stabbing people. The people no one would believe me about if I told them. Those are the people I watch out for and warn others about if they are wise enough to listen.
And those that listen? They are few and far between, so I usually just keep my mouth shut and let the events unfold. This was very puzzling when I was a child. My mother would say how great someone was and I couldn’t figure out why she would think that. Were we seeing the same person? It took me many years to figure out I should listen to my first instinct about a person.
And let’s talk about the INFJ “door slam”. I didn’t know what this was I just knew I did it. My husband found a graphic online that explained it. I didn’t even know it was a thing. This is how it works. If you are loyal to me and I am loyal to you we are good. You can make mistakes. We can get mad at each other. We can fight or disagree. But if you break that loyalty to me watch for that door hitting you on your way out. I don’t have time for you. This is also true for the energy drainers. Those people who think their life is so terrible that they think you shouldn’t have one either. I don’t have time for you either. Door slam. Ties are cut. I have no more loyalty to you. That doesn’t mean I won’t be nice to you. That I won’t interact with you if I must. It means I don’t trust you and I will do everything in power so that you have no control or influence over anything in my life.
You may think you know me but you probably don’t. You probably don’t even know I’m very introverted because I am nice and friendly to most people. You don’t know what I’m thinking as you blabber on and on.
If I don’t trust you, and I don’t trust many, you will never see beneath the surface of what I choose to share with you. And if I share with you and you spread gossip. Door slam. For you see, I won’t gossip about you. I may share generalities about you with others but if you confide in me something personal, I leave that to you to decide if you want to share that with others.
I don’t usually stress myself out with the now. I don’t like to listen to the news unless world changing events are happening. I don’t live on social media or really care much about what you are doing on social media. That changes if you become one of my people. If you are mine I do care. I may not always show it or say it but I do care. If you aren’t mine then not really. I only care in a general “I want you to have a good life” kind of way.
I live and work mostly in the future. I am always in planning and idea mode. I like to make plans and to make plans happen. It really frustrates me when someone messes up my plans especially if they don’t bother to ask me if I’m busy or working on something. Because I am always busy or working on something. Doing nothing is not in my vocabulary. I’m always thinking or planning even if I’m taking a soak or laying down. If I’m staring into space that means I’m thinking really hard. Shhhhh. Be quiet. I’m thinking.
Now I know one little test can’t truly explain a person but this one gives you a starting point. A frame of reference. A way we can acknowledge and celebrate who we are and accept others for who they are. If you can understand even one person better than you did before then the world is a better place.
Often we put off making a decision or a choice because we don’t know what we want.
One way to work around this problem is by finding an image or a person that we can use as an example. An example of the way something looks, the way it is laid out or the color. An example of decisions a person has made, resources they use or something they have produced that’s inspiring.
You can compile images in a swipe file. A swipe file is a set of templates or examples that can be used as a reference. This file could be saved on your computer, in Evernote or on a Pinterest board. Once you have an image that you like you can begin to make your decision. What do you like about the image? What would you change? Having a starting or reference point will make it easier to know what you do and don’t want.
You can also do this by looking at people’s lives. How did they get to where they are? What is their story? What choices and mistakes did they make along the way? How can you use their experience and examples in your life. Again by using an example it’s easier to make decisions. It’s easier to say what you want and don’t want. An example may even help you come up with an idea that you would have never thought of by yourself.
Seeing that someone has accomplished something and how they accomplished it or what something looks like gives you the courage to move forward with your decision. Once you see that someone else has already accomplished something similar to what you want to accomplish makes it easier for you. If they were able to do it, you know that you are able to do it too.
Once you have made your decision you simply reverse engineer the end product. You work backwards from what you want to find the starting point. You break each decision into smaller and smaller steps until you come up with something you can do. Something that is easy for you to do. Something that you can take action on today.
Once you have found your starting point you complete each step until you reach the end. Since you reverse engineered the process you will know all the steps. There will be no guess work. You just have to complete the steps. You just have to do the work. And doing the work is easier if you don’t have to make difficult decisions along the way. You have already made the decisions. You already know you can do it. Now you just need to get to work.
In this age of fast food, fast connections and fast friends many of us are trying to find quick fixes in our lives, the easy short cut. We just want the problem solved or to have someone else take care of it for us so that we don’t have to take responsibility and fix our problems ourselves. We want to take a pill or throw some money at the problem.
We don’t know how to have patience and wait. We don’t know how to make a plan and take the steps to make it happen. We want everything now. We want the irritation to go away so we can go on with our mindless lives. Worrying about what someone posted on Facebook or Twitter. Mindless wasting the hours of our days.
Don’t you want more for your life? All of these irritations popping up ruining your mindless day are opportunities. They are the universe knocking on your door and wanting you to pay attention to what’s going on around you.
I have found in my life that as long as I am growing, stretching and challenging myself the daily problems aren’t as big. I don’t know if that is because I have better things to worry about or because the universe doesn’t have to give me problems. I find them all on my own. I figure out how to find the solutions to those problems also.
If you figure out what you are going to do before you are faced with a problem then the problem doesn’t seem as big.
We drive older cars. Why? Because I don’t want to have the monthly expense that a new car brings. I have better things to spend my money on. So with older cars come the problem of occasional repairs. How can you plan for a problem like that? Have a car maintenance fund that you put a little money in every pay period. Ours is about 60.00 a month. That covers tires, registration, oil changes and the occasional repair. So when we have a car problem it’s not a big stress point in our life. We already have the money set aside for the repair.
What else could you pre-plan in your life?
You could have a household emergency fund for things like appliance repairs. You could have a power outage bag that holds everything you need for an unexpected power outage. You could have a daily routine that takes care of many little things before they become big problems. Things like doing the dishes after meals instead of letting them pile up forming a big crusty mess.
Planning to take care of the little things in life while you work on concentrate on the bigger picture will decrease your stress level. It will stop you from looking for the quick fixes in life. Like meal planning instead of eating fast food.
Taking a little time now will pay off and save you from sending a greater amount of time on what once was a little problem.
Stop looking for quick fixes in your life. Stop looking for short cuts. Plan to take care of the little problems before they happen so you can spend your time on the bigger problems or the bigger opportunities that come into your life.
We often live the life we think we deserve. This is usually an unconscious decision on our part. We unconsciously make decisions based on our past and our fears. We know the life we should be living but we aren’t living it.
Knowing is not doing. If you know what you should do and don’t do it then what you know doesn’t matter. Only applied knowledge is power. Action is power.
If you tell people or family what they should do, but aren’t doing it yourself why would they listen to you? We must put what we know into action.
Why not? What’s not happening? What’s stopping you from living the life you deserve? From living the life that will be an example to others? From living your message to the world?
I think fear often stops us. Fear that we can’t do what we know we should do. Fear that we might make a mistake. Fear that we will take the wrong path and be stuck in a life we hate.
But really, isn’t any of that better than living a safe life? A vanilla pudding life?
Are people going to laugh at you if you fail? Does it really matter if they do?
Isn’t it better to try to live the life that promotes your message than to live a safe bland life like everyone else? Do you know why everyone else lives a vanilla life? Because they are scared too. And it’s easier to make fun of you trying to live your ultimate dream life than to try to live their dreams.
I’m at a place in my life that I have decided to live my beliefs and values. I’m building the message of my life. I will be an example of the life I think we should live. A life of growing things, a life of giving, a happy healthy life. I want to enjoy my life. I don’t want to try to squeeze my enjoyment into weekends and vacations. I want to enjoy every day.
What message is your life giving?
Let me know in the comments below.